Rising before the sun.

I felt like God spoke to me about something about a year ago…

Get up early and spend some time with me.

At first, I was excited about this call on the first moments of my day. I could see it in my mind, myself waking up in the morning as right as rain, feeling exuberant to greet the sun as it peeked it’s head over the horizon.

I thought of how enriching it would be to wake up prior to the dawning light and get my Bible, a book, and some coffee too. Just me and the Father, with nothing but time to talk.

This is me in a nutshell, wild expectations and little thought to reality. I honestly don’t hate this about myself, but as you will see, it does often play with the outcomes around me.

The time was 5am. That was the time I felt matched what God had spoken to me. Maybe I thought this for a few reasons.

1. It was still dark.
2. It seemed earlier than 6am (genius level thinking)
3. My kids wouldn’t be up any time soon

It was settled, I was about to become a morning person.

I’m not sure if you have your best thoughts in the evening or in the morning but I feel like both exist for me. I’ll lay my head down at night and it’s like because my skull is at rest my brain kicks into a new gear. My thoughts overflow with ideas, questions, and dreams. I ponder and wonder at things and joust with the idea that my life has deeper meaning yet to be discovered.

But like a sister to the evening mind palace, the morning time also brings new life in the universe of thought in my mind. I feel fresh, alive, and can be a fire hose of new brain activity.

Why God? What is it about these evenings and mornings that engage a side of me that seems to lay dormant in the daytime?

Did Jesus do this?
Did the disciples ever catch Jesus staring into nothingness, deep in thought?

I’m not sure what I would want to know more about, the meaning behind all His parables, or what Jesus dreamed about at night.

The first morning was easy.

My alarm was set at 5am but in my excitement I woke up at 4:55am, beating my alarm clock to the punch. I had set out my Bible and books the night before and they greeted me right where I left them. My chair was ready, the sun still slept, and I knew God is in my midst.

Then reality hit.

At about 6:30pm that evening I felt like I got hit by a truck. I went from being awake and eating dinner to absolutely exhausted. The morning had finally caught up with me.

I was short with my kids.
I was rude to my wife.

And I was beginning to think that this early morning lifestyle wasn’t for me. Really shows you what type of perseverance I have, but my story doesn’t end here.

“And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.”

Mark 1:35

I’ve thought about this passage so many times this last year; something about it has captured me and held my imagination hostage ever since.

Before you just read over it…go there.
The creator of the universe is alone in the dark, in the world He created, praying. Just think about Jesus being along anywhere. Jesus standing in a desolate place, before the sun rises, alone. I don’t know why but this just drives me crazy.

What is He thinking about?
What is He praying about?
How does nature respond?
What’s happening in the heavenly realms during these prayers?

Jesus, gets up before His friends and the star He created, to be alone and pray.

I cannot get enough of this.

As I went to bed that night, I knew I couldn’t give up. I got up the next morning, read my Bible and prayed, and the evening exhaustion awaited me again. I felt guilty and sad, I really thought this was going to change everything. After about 1 week of this, I was convinced I had not heard from God.

I told my wife on Saturday that I was going to give it up. She didn’t give her approval or disapproval of this white flag I was raising, instead she just listened.

The next day was Sunday and I found myself interviewing two missionaries from South Africa. I was asking them about their ministry, what they had seen God do, and asked them to share their story. As I led them through a somewhat cookie-cutter missions interview I asked an off-script (at least to me) question.

When did you know that God was calling you into missions?

Dan, the missionary to South Africa, began to share about a time in his life, in his early thirties, when God spoke to him about his future and life.

He said this:

“It began with God asking me to get up early in the morning, at 5am, to seek Him and be with Him.”

My eyes widened. Time froze and a spotlight from heaven seemed to be shining on me. I couldn’t believe what he was saying, it was like he and God were in on some joke on me. Sunday was the first day in 7 days where I hadn’t rose from my bed at 5am.

I had committed to quitting 24 hours earlier.

Luckily, my wife wasn’t in the audience that service, she was coming next service, so I felt somewhat off the hook. But sure enough, because I had asked the question first service Dan answered it the second service as well, even though I didn’t ask.

I could feel my wife’s eyes from the stage. As she listened to me a day earlier, now she listened again. Was God speaking to me again? Was this 5am thing for real?

I was lost in thought for the rest of service, I don’t remember anything else that happened that day, I felt like the God of the universe had found me. I shared this with the missionaries after service who shared that God had told them that there was someone, they would meet today who would need to be encouraged.

That word, encouraged, meant everything to me. It changed everything about getting up and being with Jesus.

God wasn’t punishing me.
God was drawing me into something beautiful.
The word wasn’t a rebuke, it was an encouragement.

Here’s what I’ve come to believe. I don’t think it was easy for Jesus to get up early either. I don’t believe it had anything to do with being a morning person, it’s just what Jesus knew He needed to do.

He needed to get alone with His Father.
And so do I.

Monday felt different, it felt like I was there for the right reasons. In a weird way I also felt like a rebel, with Jesus. Waking up even before the sun, because my Father said I could.

I still imagine Jesus standing alone in a desert.

He feels the wind.
He hears the low crawling beetle.
He smells the plants around Him.
He is fully engaged in the presence of the Father.

I imagine what that must have felt like.
I’m chasing after that.

Alone in the desert.
But not alone after all.