jordanabina
***THIS IS A ROUGH DRAFT OF THE INTRODUCTION TO MY NEXT PROJECT WONDER(FULL). IGNORE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS. COPYRIGHT @JORDANABINA 2023
ART OF SPIRITUALITY
There is nothing more surgical and beautiful than a profoundly deep question. Some questions are easy to get around, like choosing between green and blue as a favorite color or whether you like winter or summer better. These questions reveal nothing profound about us; they require nothing and give nothing in return. In contrast, have you ever been asked a question to which you realized you didn’t know the answer? More specifically, your inability to answer wasn’t because you didn’t see the information; it was deeper than that. By responding, you would reveal something true about yourself, and perhaps you weren’t ready to hear the answer come from your lips. These questions change a person, show a person, and uncover the truth of who we are.
Since you are the reader and I the writer, it’s my pleasure to start this dance of ours with the first step. A question: Do you believe that you have a soul? Have you ever really given any time to think about that before? I never really did, I mean, who does? If I ever did, it usually happened when I was alone and undistracted, with no phone or mobile device, just me and the silence. Confronted by the mystery of it all and becoming aware of a longing to know more about something. It is in these moments when I have pondered the bigger questions in life. It’s usually on a walk through nature or sitting alone by a fire where some of life’s more profound questions bubble their way up to the surface of my heart. Questions like, Is this all there is, and what is my purpose? I believe there is a specific reason that in these moments of stillness that our thoughts turn towards mystery. Perhaps it’s because in these moments a safe place is made for our souls to come out of hiding. Do you believe there is a spiritual side to you and your reality? The answer to those questions will determine how you go through this life and navigate your ship on the high seas of intellectualism and rationality. Is it rational to say you have a soul or a spirit? Your soul cannot be tested or replicated. It can’t be forged or fashioned by human hands. Is what’s rational and able to be tested all that is real in your life? Is that all that is real about you?
If we do have souls, how do we engage them? I wonder if it’s less formulaic and more natural than we’ve made it out to be. We know how our five senses work because we have been trained to use them. We have eyes to see, a nose to experience different scents, hands to feel, ears to hear, and a tongue to taste. These are all such incredible tools that all have their own language. Taste is a different language than hearing, just like touch communicates differently than smelling. If we are people with souls, people with spiritual substance, how do we learn to use the language of our spirit, the language of our soul? If humans have a soul, they must be dug out like a diamond and given light to be able to show their beauty and purpose. And like the tongue is made for us to experience the world of taste, what part of reality is our soul built to help us experience? Is it possible that we’ve been missing a beautiful element of what makes us human? There’s a quote I found during this writing process from author William Walsham in a book written in the late 1800’s called Plain Words For Children, he says, “What a wonderful thing the soul is, children! You cannot see it: you cannot hear it: you cannot touch it. Yet you know it is there. You do not want any proof that you have a soul. You are as sure of that as that you have a body. It tells you itself.” I love this thought, it resonates with me. Are you willing to open up to the idea that you have a soul, that there is a part of you that isn’t physical, and that this part of you is actually the most you part about you? If you would, you would have taken the first step towards something beautiful and transcendent.
For me, this became the missing piece to my faith. As a Christian, I knew a lot about the Bible and I had grown up going to church and eventually working there as well. But over time, I had a secret, I was missing something. Behind the scenes and in my heart, there was a void, and it was growing rapidly. As I watched people come in and out of church, some staying and others not able to accept any of it, I questioned whether or not this was what Jesus was dreaming about and hoping for. My question was, Jesus, is this really what you had in mind when you started this thing? Because I think we’ve ruined it. I watched the church in America marginalize people, align themselves with the Rome of our day, and act in a way that provided a means for religious piety but didn’t lead people to the heart of Jesus. How would anyone ever be able to hear the message of Jesus through all the noise the church seemed to be complicit in making? How would anyone ever be open to the idea that the God of the universe, the hands behind the greatest work of all, had something to say to them if church and religious allegiance were the only on ramps available to faith in Jesus? This cry in my heart led me to men and women who had come before me who had felt the same things. People who ran into the religiosity of their day and found it wanting and then began to search for Jesus, letting their souls do the work. It led me to one word, wonder. I believe the greatest entry point to a life of faith in Jesus is wonder. I believe Jesus tried His best to reveal to everyone that there is a part of us that is spiritual and that we have a soul. It wasn’t piety that Jesus brought out of people, it was wonder. And it wasn’t religious allegiance that impressed Jesus, it was wonder. Jesus has made a world around you that points to Him, and He has given us the tools to find Him there.
Let’s return to the question, do you believe you have a soul? If you would say no, then I would invite you to consider the words that follow as a story, one that includes you. Your job is to find yourself in it, once you do, you can decide if you wish to remain. If you would say, yes, then I would invite you to consider two questions and then an invitation. The first question is this, what is my soul trying to tell me? If our souls are real and exist for a purpose, let’s discover together what that purpose may be. The second question is this, what will my response be to what my soul reveals? Anyone can be invited to dinner, but the invitation is not what makes it special, it’s partaking in the meal with others. Our souls have a language, just like the rest of our senses, and it’s time we began to listen and learn what they’re saying to us.
The obvious question is how. How are we going to learn to be more in touch with our souls, to understand its purpose and what it’s for? Let me tell you a story.
A WORK OF ART
I’ll begin with a confession. For most of my life, I never really cared about art, primarily paintings and sculptures. Sure I loved movies and music and I know those are considered art as well, but I’m talking about the type of art people see at museums: paintings, displays, sculptures, and hand-crafted things. I can’t remember where this attitude came from or why I had it in the first place, but I didn’t care about any of those things. I remember sitting in an Art History class in college, wishing there would be a fire on campus or an earthquake (I grew up in California) so the teacher would dismiss the course. Anything would’ve been better than sitting through a lecture about the difference between watercolor and oil or whether or not Michaelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel alone or with the help of others. For whatever reason, I didn’t care. I couldn’t tell you the difference between a Monet and something a child had crafted at school with their fingers. I sometimes would look at what people were marveling over and think I could do that, which was entirely untrue.
Some years later, at least 10 years later to give you an idea, I read a book about Leonardo DaVinci that changed my perspective completely. I learned so many intriguing things about DaVinci that captured my attention and opened my eyes to the art world. DaVinci is the type of human who only comes around once in a lifetime. His talents and abilities were beyond most of his peers, and his mind was on another level. His creativity stood out to me the most. When I had the opportunity to visit his hometown in Italy, I purchased his journal, which scholars had translated into English. Pages and pages of ideas, notes, and inventions. There were weapons, tanks, water systems, and even machines designed for flight—pages and pages of anatomy and theories about the brain and how it works. And in between all of these insightful and ingenious notes were beautiful sketches. With DaVinci, the line between art and science is blurred, and something about that captured me. I realized there was more to paintings and sculptures than I realized. I began to see the complexities of art and how art, in many ways, is like a language. For the artist, it’s a means of expressing feeling. After looking at DaVinci’s life, I would argue that it was his main form of communication.
Beyond what I learned about DaVinci, I also learned a lot about the people who adore him and have studied his work. Just as interesting as DaVinci himself are the people who research and devote their lives to his work. These people love DaVinci and love the aura that surrounds him. If you’re looking for a wild ride via YouTube, type in DaVinci conspiracies. I learned that people could tell if DaVinci painted something just by looking at it and can also tell if the painting is authentic or fake. What type of time and effort would you have to give to be able to look at two images that appear exactly the same and determine the difference between them? These disciples of DaVinci formed a relationship with his work throughout his career to the extent that they could hear him, see him in his work, and tell when it wasn’t him.
LOUVRE AT FIRST SIGHT
My first time seeing a work by DaVinci for myself was quite a memorable experience. My wife and I spent a few days in Paris together before returning home from a week-and-a-half trip to a church in Grenoble, France (now our home), and we had a jam-packed schedule for our remaining time. Since my days of not appreciating art were behind me, and after adding a few books about art and artists to my reading list, I had become increasingly hungry to walk through and experience the Louvre. The Louvre, or LeMusée du Louvre, was initially built as a fortress around 1920, but in the 16th century, French authorities turned it into a royal palace. It wasn’t until 1793 that The National Assembly officially opened the Louvre as a museum, and Napoleon himself later re-established it in 1801. It is a magnificent work of architecture and beauty. You’ve probably seen the triangular glass structure in a movie once or twice, but nothing captures it quite like seeing it in person. I remember the sounds of street musicians playing the cello as we walked through the tunnels that morning to stand in line. It was magic.
My wife Vanessa, the fiercely sharp planner she is, bought early bird entrance tickets. For an extra fee, we would access the museum about 30 minutes before the rest of the crowd. You might think, that isn’t a big deal, but you would change your mind if you saw how many people were waiting in line. Easily 1000 people. We felt like French royalty as we brushed past all those patient patrons and stood in the early bird line. It’s funny what a ticket upgrade can do to your ego. We didn’t have a plan as we stood in the queue about to go in. The Louvre is a massive museum, and it isn’t possible to see even half of it in one day. Many of our french friends scoffed at us when we told them we would only spend about half the day there because we had other things to see. Typical Americans. The French have taught me so much since then, especially when it comes to pace and appreciation for things of beauty. But Vanessa and I realized we needed a strategy, and we had about two minutes to develop it. I said we should run straight to the Mona Lisa. The Mona Lisa is easily one of the most famous, if not the most famous, paintings by Leonardo DaVinci, and we agreed that it would be wise to get there before everyone else. The moment Vanessa and I decided, the security guard opened the doors, scanned our tickets, and we were in.
If I’m honest, the memory about what happened next is getting blurry, so whatever I record here will be the story that lives on forever. As soon as we were out of sight of security, we ran. We caught a sign pointing us toward the Mona Lisa and sprinted. Well maybe not sprinted, but that type of run you do when someone says running isn’t allowed but you’re in a hurry. Think speed walking meets intermittent sprints. Thinking about what we must have looked like to the others who also had the early bird tickets still makes me laugh; a couple of adults running through one of the most prestigious museums on the planet like two children playing at school. I can only imagine the countless wonders of antiquity, and beyond that, that we must have hurried past, but at the time, we didn’t care. We were on a one-way track to DaVinci, the first DaVinci we would ever see with our own two eyes.
The Mona Lisa was in the center of a great-sized room. All the walls were white, and the staff decorated the room with other paintings. Tapestries were hanging everywhere, all paying homage to the beauty at the center of the room. A velvet red rope and a security guard were tasked with guarding the smirking (or not smirking) lady herself, Mona Lisa. We stood approximately 4 to 5 meters from her in silence, looking at the renowned and world-famous smiling lady. The Mona Lisa was much smaller than I thought it would be; it was nothing like what I would have imagined. It was humble; even the frame seemed to attract more attention. And yet, something was captivating about it. My wife and I stood there alone for about five minutes, staring in wonder. After our moment alone had passed, the rest of the early bird crowd found their way in, and the madness began. Vanessa and I hadn’t even thought about taking out our phones because we were enjoying the moment, but after about twenty minutes, hundreds of people were crowding the ropes and taking selfies. It was hilarious. I have a picture of me taking a selfie with all of the people taking selfies because it was one of the weirdest things I’d ever experienced. Vanessa and I felt good about having gazed at the Mona Lisa, and I felt delighted to have finally seen what I had read about beforehand, and I was hungry for more. It was time to move on and explore the rest of the museum with the time we had left.
We let our eyes wander around the room. It was bright, with lights reflecting off the stark white paint. The air was cool and comfortable, and everyone kept their voice to a lower volume, although I’m not sure why. Wonder does unique things to the human experience, we often respond in reverence to beauty. We explored every corner of the great hall at our own pace and saw other DaVinci paintings. When we both felt like it was time to move on to the next exhibit, we let the tide of people pull us toward the nearest exit, not quite knowing where it would lead. As we journeyed closer to the open doors, I noticed a woman staring at a large painting in the hall, and for reasons I cannot explain, I couldn’t look away. She was an older lady, perhaps in her eighties, full of life and vitality. She was sitting on a blue velvet bench in front of a massive painting, which was another by DaVinci. I remember her short hair was curled and pulled back to one side, and she wore a sleek green dress. There was an elegance to her, a gravitas. Her gaze was fixed on the art in front of her, seemingly unaware of the people surrounding her. In a room filled with art, she was as still as the statues that guarded her. Maybe she was a queen from a hidden place or another world, hiding among us mortals unawares.
It didn’t take long for me to begin to look where she was looking. The intensity of her gaze made me feel like I needed to see whatever she was focused on. I started to wonder if she knew something I didn’t. Maybe she was an art dealer or perhaps even an art thief; either would’ve been awesome. One thing was clear, she had placed herself on that bench to look closely, slowly, and with intention at that painting. With a slight but evident smirk, the older woman in the green dress stared in wonder. As much as I want to tell you that the rest of the day traversing the Louvre was incredible, I spent the rest of my time thinking about that lady and whether or not she was still sitting there in amazement at the hanging picture.
A few months later, I returned to my journal and read through my account of that day and remembered how that woman had stood out to me. But why? Why in the world did I find this lady so captivating? The answer to that question sent me down a spiritual path, a pilgrimage of sorts, of seeing a part of life that I had perhaps missed before. It began a process of healing that showed me that there was a way to Jesus that I never had experienced before. It also led me to write these thoughts down here to share with you. I realized it wasn’t what she wore or how she looked at all that interested me. In the middle of hundreds of works of art, this lady was still focused on just one painting in the eye of a storm of people. She was making a different investment and a more profound dedication to what was in front of her. She wasn’t rushing through to see everything the Louvre had to offer; she was willing to stay and marvel at the painting so that she could know it. Learn it. Experience it. And by studying it, get to know the artist behind it a little bit better.
THE BLUE VELVET BENCH
I want you to imagine yourself on the blue velvet bench. Yes, I want you to imagine yourself there. Your imagination will be vital in engaging in this book and with your soul. We’ve relegated our imaginations to living in a place of fairy tales and children’s games; nothing could be more in error. Our imaginations are not something we grow out of but should be something we expand into. Your soul will always want to engage your imagination. This is because your imagination is not a toy that you leave behind but a tool that can be sharpened over time. Your spirit does not concern itself with the physical part of our reality but with the metaphysical. Imagination is key. Take a moment to give your imagination permission to reenter your life. As difficult as it may be to grasp, your imagination is vital to the health of your soul. Imagination isn’t the same as make believe, instead, imagination is what God uses to confirm what your soul is resonating with. Imagination, faith, and wonder are all a part of the language used by your soul. I’m reminded of a quote by the French mathematician, Blaise Pascal, living in the 1600’s who said, “In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don’t.” Now, use your imagination to put yourself on the blue velvet bench in the middle of the Louvre. It’s you in a vast room, beautiful works of art surround you, but you and I will focus our attention on only one. We will not concern ourselves with the rush that life forces upon us. We are not in a hurry and have nowhere else to be. We won’t just be using our five senses but will also engage and allow our souls to engage.
If you were to take one whole month to listen to the famous composer Claude Debussy exclusively, you would begin to hear things that are specific to him, and you would learn his style and technique and become familiar with him through his music. If you were to spend one year and only look at paintings by Monet, you would become more and more intimate with his work. His style and techniques would become more familiar to you. And in turn, you would begin to recognize him when you see his work or work inspired by him. The same is true of the artist of our soul as well. Jesus has a way about Him and a style, in a way, a language that only the human soul can understand. But you cannot rush it; it must be intentional. We must cultivate an environment of wonder. To sit on the blue velvet bench and stare at the artist’s work, to be filled with awe at the beautiful and mystical art that surrounds us every day that we may pass by. In our hurry to get to what’s next, we miss the blue velvet bench and our opportunity to sit, imagine, and wonder.
What if the chapters ahead spark wonder in your soul when you look at the world around you? What if you do have a soul? Wouldn’t that change the way you interpret reality? Wouldn’t that make why the most important question there is? And isn’t it worth asking? Did you know that Jesus looked for people who just couldn’t fit into the religious box, who had been disenfranchised and rejected? He didn’t speak to their habits and lack of spiritual disciplines, He filled them with a sense of wonder and invited them into a world people didn’t believe possible. Just like the creations of our favorite songs and paintings, art says something about the artist who made them. This world points to an artist. The greatest artist of all time. Once we know the artist, we’ll see his fingerprints all over his work.
There is an ancient poem that talks about the reality of being surrounded by the creativity and imagination of a soul-maker. The poet writes the skies proclaim the work of his hands. For centuries people acknowledged, across the world, that the earth and everything in it had a maker. Different religions tried to make sense of it, and stories and legends were told. No one could agree on how it all happened, but somewhere in the heart of man, we knew this wasn’t by chance. Millions of people from all around the globe, throughout the centuries, from different cultures and religions, have all come to the same question: Is this all there is? This question does not come from the mind of man, but from the soul. And men and women who decided to find the blue velvet bench, who believed that in them was a soul, have found something beautiful that changed their life forever. But the temptation to hurry past it all remains, to rush to see all there is and to get as much out of our time life as possible. You can run past the bench and hurry towards what you think is more important while neglecting the most important part about you, your soul.
If you would dare to believe that you have a soul, then a new world will begin to open up around you. As our recognition of our soul increases, we can begin to understand that there is an unseen and metaphysical aspect to what makes us, us. The journey that follows is a thrilling quest through the seen world all around us but guided by our souls, we begin to see the unseen and metaphysical aspects of the world around us. Our souls are the key, they speak the language of the great artist and will serve as a pathfinder towards our home that lays beyond the seen world.
These chapters ahead of us are an invitation to wonder. To search and find out more about the greatest artist in all of the universe. There isn’t a destination to arrive at in this book. It’s an on ramp, or at least an attempt at one. Think of these chapters as invitations into the life the great artist designed for us to live. This great artist has invited all of us to sit and discover the works of His hands; we’ve been given early entrance passes to get in before everyone else. What’s even wilder is that you’ve been walking past some of these works of art your entire life. Even now, wherever you find yourself, the artist’s fingerprint is in plain view. If you look closely, I don’t believe Jesus is really doing anything new, but He is showing us a world that has always been there, but in some ways has been disconnected from its original purpose. Behind everything you see is an artist revealing his work and something about Himself to you. I invite you to sit on the blue velvet bench, gaze and wonder about the miraculous around you. It’s there for a reason, for you to see and know and be changed. I wonder what there is to know about the artist of our reality?
